Give up or fight on

The walls are closing in, brain screaming, heart is breaking. Gasping for air, chest tightening like a shoelace stuck on conveyor belt. Trying to scream but nothing coming out. Want to run, want to hide to get away is my only desire. I feel my airway getting tighter as mind is going round and round. Frantic panics run rampage in my body. Shaking and on the verge of vomiting. Pain is burned into my soul like a horse who is branded. Turn music up trying to tune out the thoughts. They trinkle in like a summer rain. Music off so the don’t have to compete. Staring off into space as every ounce of me is draining. Look around and like normal no one here. No one to call upon to beat their chest as the tears pour And I let everything hit the floor. Screaming at the top of my lungs is my desire, fear of being seen is my hostage. Wanting to reach out and ask for help, but fear of judgment and betrayal, keeps me handcuffs to the demons from with in. Demons that aren’t even mine. They belong to the ones who used me, hurt me, played me, broke me. Do you not realize I am so far beyond broken, I asked, begged and pleaded for some relief. Evil laughter and gossip all I get, with a fallen of more painful tactics top on. I mumble the words you won, y’all finally won. Then a small little voice yells back. No you strong don’t you dare give up. So I sit here ahead my tears alone wanting nothing more then to make the pain stop. Yet I can’t give in. When when will I get some peace. All I do is love and want to help. Why do I feel like a piece of Garbage. Scum on the Earth when my heart is pure and I’m fighting next to the evil. God please help me!!!!! I can’t do it I’m to far broken and lonely. I give up no you fight on