My mind, Their mind

Self-sabotaging is the game,
Irrational thinking and pleasing people
 are the opponents.
 Minds overloaded 
as emotions backfire and misfire. 
Wires are crossed and sparks flying
 like fireworks on the 4th of July.
 Body shaken and hearts pounding, 
pounding like drums in a marching band. 
Trying to grasp the insanity that has taken over, 
while pretending everything is okay.
 Not reveling anything,
 curtains kept close for this show, 
I hadn’t sold tickets. Tickets didn’t sell due to 
fear of failure, failure of letting others down. 
People pleasing and my stinky thinking 
has me in the ring, boxing an endless round. 
No bell or referee to intervene,
 blows keep coming to me from me. 
Oh how I desire for an ending,
 ones coming this I know. 
Been here before and will be here again.
 What a ride my bipolar and depression takes me on. 
Their in control I am their hostage.
 Whenever they wish,
 however they desire.
 I’m their homebase, 
the one they intruded and 
made upstairs theirs forever home.