I should had, I could had

I should had let him continue, I should have just let him do what he wanted and hit me till he was satisfied. I should have stayed quiet, I should have not spoken up. I should had, I could had. But I wanted it stopped. No more did I want to be a punching bag I don’t want to be controlled no more did I want him to control every single part of my life. I spoke up ask for help and look what I got. I know my faults I know my wrongs. But I also know I try and I fight. I should have stayed quiet, I should not have call the police, maybe the kids would be coming home. I was in fear and needed it to stop, but maybe my fears and my emotions don’t matter, maybe I should had. Maybe I should have stayed quiet, maybe I should had disobeyed and Bow down to his every command then would I be okay……

Pt2
They should have done their job better, they should have arrested him they should have putting Behind Bars. they should have protected the victim. they should have ensure my safety. I’ve done everything within my powers make sure myself and my home is protected. No trespassing ,✅ protection order✅ file police report✅ contacted everybody involved✅ went to court✅ call the lawyer✅ I did everything I felt was the right thing to do, but guess what I guess I should had. I should have stayed quiet I should have waited till he was done. I should have just said I was going to call and not really call the cops. All of the should had and it could had, are now hunting me. I would take a beating if it will keep my kids at home, but I did what was right, I asked for help, and in return I get the kids may not get to come home because I can assure their father won’t show up. Can you, can you assure he will not show up at my house. Can you assure he won’t show up at your house? Can you assure he won’t show up the house the kids go to, You can’t, why not? You should had you could have, now tell me how I’m not protecting my children when I did all that I could had but now I feel like I shouldn’t had.